I didn't know playdough was explosive
Rated: LE (laughing encoraged)
Obi-Wan, Siri, and two other teens get saddled babysitting eight children of questionable obedience capabilities.
For my six brothers and sister, who gave me endless material to work with.
I didn’t create this world or some of these characters, please don’t sue me.
If you don’t like humor, get off this thread, breath deeply, and flee the country.
All About Me
I like humor, I babysit a lot, the situation seemed to work.
Without farther blab, the fic of dooooom....
"I didn't know playdoh was explosive."
"WHAT!!!!!!!!" yelled Obi-Wan Kenobi, "You want me to do what !!"
"Calm down," sighed his master Qui-Gon Jinn, "It's only for a couple of days."
"No, I refuse."
"Okay, I'll just find a new padawan then."
"For crying out loud you just have to babysit a bunch of kids for the conference for a couple of days."
"Yes, a bunch of kids that I'm afraid will be crying out loud."
"It'll be fun."
"Oh sure, all the thrills of a crash landing."
"Ha ha. Anyway you'll start today, and they will be paying you."
"Honestly sometimes… well, come on."
When they arrived there were all ready two other people there. They were both younger than Obi-Wan.
"Obi-Wan, you'll be babysitting with three other people. This is Queenda and her twin bother Deck."
"Who's the other person?"
"You'll be living together in this house for four days."
"WHAT!?! You said two days before and who's the other person."
"Okay, so I rounded it off a little. This is the boys wing and this is the girls wing."
"Great, who's the other person."
"Here is the schedule for the children."
"How nice, who's the other person."
"You'll be watching eight kids, so each of you will have two kids to keep a an eye on."
"Your hiding something, who's the other person."
"You will be the oldest so your in charge of everything in general."
"Qui-Gon, WHO IS THE OTHER PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!! "
"Hi Qui-Gon, ready to go to the conference??" it was Adi Gallia.
"Hi Adi,"said Qui-Gon trying hard to ignore the look that could melt steel Obi-Wan was giving him.
"Qui-Gon, if the other person is who I think it is......."whispered Obi-Wan shaking his head slowly.
"Hi Qui-Go....OBI-WAN KENOBI!?!?!?!?!? ADI, YOU DIDN'T TELL ME HE WAS GOING TO BE HERE." It was Siri Tachi.
"Bye bye, guys. Have fun." grinned Qui-Gon.
"Qui-Gon, if you think for one minute that I'm going to stay in the same house with her, your crazy"
"Master, if you think for one second that I'm going to stay in the same house as him your insane."
"See you in four days."
It was even worse than Obi-Wan had imagined. Six of eight children and aliens, were boys. That meant there would be six children in the boys wing and only two in the girls. He did like Deck though, he was only one year younger than Obi-Wan and very mature for his age. He didn't like Queenda though, she reminded him of a social worker who had once come to the temple because she was worried the children there didn't have enough 'socialization'. And what made it worse was that, since Deck let her boss him around, she thought everyone else should too.
Deck was in charge of two boys: Cup Bruny, human, age three and Silvor Tuwas, Bothan, age eight.
Queenda had to look after two boys as well: Nox-Da Thanara age one and his older brother Berry-Da Thanara age four. Both were green skinned Lincks.
Siri had the two girls: Endawell Loosik, human, age two and Llleck-Du'Neel Hebbat, who was a five year old Teesa, .
Obi-Wan was pretty sure he had the two worse boys of the group: two three year old twin human brothers named Yorst and Yerst Tetaluu.
So he was now in charge of eight children ages one, two, three, four, five, and eight. With two girls and one boy who were all younger than him to help.
He looked at the schedule, "Well, since today is almost over it doesn't say what we should do with them until bedtime. I guess we could just let them watch T.V."
"Oh, no." gasped Queenda, "That's not educational enough. Let's teach them all about how each person is an individual. That will raise their self esteem."
"Let's not and say we did." growled Obi-Wan.
"But that would a lie."
Obi-Wan put his face in his hands "I'm just kidding Queenda."
"Oh come in let's just let them watch T.V." said Siri.
"Oh.....oh fine. But it MUST be an educational one."
"Howza bout the Flinstones??"
"ABSOLUTELY NOT. That show teaches children that life was a complex cycle instead of a primitive state of being. Not to mention it teaches them to say words like YABADABADOO which is not even in the dictionary."
"Right, meanwhile we're still talking basic here." whispered Obi-Wan to Siri. Siri gave a very undignified snort.
"Yes, but just remember I have to sleep in the same room as her."
"I truly pity you."
"Thanks a million. But what I'd really like would be if you can convince her that there are too many dust particles in our room and that it would be safer if she takes the children to the living room, or something like that."
"But that would require getting close to her."
"What would you like the children to watch Queenda?? sighed Deck.
"Well, tellitubys is a safe and educational so...."
"Except for the fact that it brain washes them."
"I do not find that comment the least amusing and very hurtful
Padawan Kenobi. Not to mention the fact that it's a very bad influence for the children, and I think that......what do you want??'' Cup was pulling on her tunic.
"Tup fink you tawk to much. Tup wana watch da t.v."
"Very well, how about a nice educational show?"
Cup shook his head, "Tup wana watch da Finstones not da etuca....edicat.......ellu......da over fing."
Before Queenda could answer him she was interrupted by a scream from Siri.
"CATCH HIM OBI-WAN!!!!!!!!!!"
Obi-Wan made a dive and just barely caught Yerst as he was falling off a tall shelf. The other children screamed with laughter. As he was dusting himself off, Siri just barely grabbed a glass plate in time from Yorst as he threw it from his perch on top of the table.
"That does it," she announced, "These children are watching the Flinstones and no ifs, ands, or buts about it." She turned it on and as if by magic the noise was shut off and the all kids were seated in front of it,"
"I will never hear a noise, more beautiful than the words 'Flinstones, meet the Flinstones, etc." murmured Siri.
Unfortunately the show was over all too quickly and it was time to get the children ready for bed.
Deck made a grab for Silvor and got him. Then he made a grab for Cup and missed him. “Come back here, you stinker.”
“No no no no no no no!!! Tup don’d wana go to da bed.” he giggled.
He ran around the corner, but when Deck came around the corner he was no where to be seen.
“Looking for this,” said a amused sounding voice behind him. He turned and found Siri holding a shrieking, giggling, twisting, wrestling Cup in her arms.
“Thanks” he then turned and discovered that now Silvor had disappeared.
“Silvor were are you?!”
“Oh, there you ar....WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?!?”
“Making the curtains on the window prettier.”
“Yeah, I couldn’t find no markers or glitter glue.”
Deck suddenly felt very tired “Give me those and never, I repeat NEVER cut the curtains with scissors or smear glitter glue on them OR color onthem with markers.”
“How about crayons?”
“NO!!!!! NO CRAYONS EITHER!!!!
“What should I do then?”
“Go to bed!”
At last Deck got them in the bedroom. He opened the children's two suit
cases and looked inside.
“But Tup don’d wana go to da bedy.”
“Yup, wana watchy da t.v.”
“I bet you do.”
“Yup, and eat da cookies and eat da cany and eat da panycakes and eat da....da........da cany and eat da ice cweam.”
“No doubt you do.”
“Am I still in trouble??”
“Gee whiz, all I did was cut the curtains a little bit and color on
“You did WHAT to Obi-Wan’s boots!?!?!?”
“Oops. Uh, did I say that???”
“That’s it!!!! BED!!!!!!!!”
Siri stifled a giggle and motioned to Obi-Wan, "Come here, Queenda's telling the kids to go to bed in her own special way."
"I bet she is." He moved closer...
".....so that is why sleep is such an important health function. Any questions?? .......yes Berry-Da."
"I still don't wana to go to bed."
"But it's so healthy."
"Wana watch t.v."
"But t.v. is so bad for your eyes. it can damage and strain your corneas not to mention....."
They left the children to their fate.
Siri's girls went to bed just fine.
Obi-Wan's boys were a different story. No matter where he looked he couldn't find them. No one he had asked had seen them. At last he sat down in frustration. A minute later Llleck came in.
"Why aren't you in bed??"
Her wispy tentacles fluttered, "I heard you ask Sewi if she had seen Yerst and Yerst."
"Uh, yeah. Have you seen them??"
"Out the windid-ow."
"Llleck, why aren't you in bed??" asked Siri in surprise.
"Hada tell Oba-Van supin."
"All right but now get in bed."
"Can'd go to sweep."
"And why not??"
"You didn put me to bed da wright way."
"Well, how should I do it then."
"Deres a wist in my bag."
"Okay........here it is...........AGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Deck came at a run, "what's wrong?!?!?!"
"DOES LLLECK'S MOTHER THINK I HAVE NOTHING TO DO THE NEXT THREE WEEKS BUT PUT LLLECK TO BED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"What does it say??"
She threw it at him. He caught it nimbly and began to read in a loud
pompous voice, "1. read two to four of the provided books while massaging her back
2. make a lukewarm mush with 1 cup of kitno wheat (the kind without gluten), 1 T. of honey, 1/2 t. cinnamon, 1/2 t. chintby, and 1/8 t. dipperdill cream.
3. spoon feed (with provided crystal spoon) while singing the national anthem of the Republic of Aclatick Democatcy...." he choked off laughing. "oh brother Siri! I think I can honestly say I have never heard of the Republic of Aslat..."
"Oh be quiet." snapped Siri. "What, in the name of stars and galaxies am I going to do?!?!"
"w-e-l-l, I suppose following the list is out if the que...." he barely dodged a flying couch cushion. "Yeah, I thought so."
"What u gona do it me" lisped Llleck.
"Ummmmm, I guess I don't really know."
"Cud you dist wead to me a wittle??"
"Read to you a little?? Um, let me think about that a minute. Okay, my answer is, believe it or not, yes, yeah, definitely, absolutely, oky-doky,
indubitably, righto, certainly, you got it kiddo, decidedly, positively, surly, truly, unquestionably, verily, without a doubt, yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes, Deck could you hand me a thesaurus so I could find some more words to express assent??"
Deck just grinned, "I think you made your point Siri."
"Thanks Llleck," Obi-Wan called over his shoulder as he ran out the door. He stopped short and looked around the loud, brightly lighted streets and swallowed hard, "Okay, if I were two naughty identical twin three year old brothers. Where would I........okay scratch that. If I were a troublemaker and were out here by myself, where would I be?" He was almost sorry at the answer his brain gave him. 'in a bar of some kind, of course' He looked around and spotted the nearest one. It was brightly lit, and as he got closer he saw a small familiar figure sitting by the door looking very pleased with himself.
"Yerst!! what are you doing. And where's Yorst?!?!?"
"Da big guy at de door wouldn't let me in but I screamed until he gave me a canty."
"A canty" he held up a small piece of candy, "an he said to me, 'her kit I hope you chokes.'"
"I have no doubt of that. Give me that candy."
"You can have this instead."
"Now, where's Yorst."
Yerst started giggling. "We pwayed a twik on da big guy.
"Oh great, just what I need, what'd you do?''
"When I was tawking to da big guy, he swipt in."
"Oh joy, now how am I supposed to get him out."
"I don'd know."
"Thanks a lot."
"Now go back to the house."
Obi-Wan waited till Yerst was in the house and then turned his attention to the bar. He was assuming that 'da big guy' was a bouncer of some sort. If only he could get in without drawing any attention to himself it might be okay......... "Where da ya tink yer going kid."
The voice was very deep and not particularly friendly.
"Oh, hi, um...."
"We don allow no kids under nineteen in here."
"Yeah, so make tracks before I forget to be nice."
"Are you sure???"
"You're sure you're sure."
"Um, and you're not going change your mind any time soon??"
"Uhhh.....you're sure you're sure you're su..."
"Beat it kid."
Obi-Wan thought frantically. "Sure but before I go let me ask you, are you a happy tw'leck??
"Because I think that you....yes you, should consider the wonderful advantages of 'Wipers Cream of Mushroom Soup.'
"Yes-siree, it has all the advantages of a full meal, not to mention the fact that it whitens teeth and freshens breath. It can also get you an extended warranty on your speeder."
"But....I....listen kid, I don't know who yous is, but you better scram. If you know what's good for yous."
"Good job Sy-lete. Now let him in."
Both the tw'leck and Obi-Wan turned in surprise to the newcomer. A tall graceful young woman wearing a black jumpsuit stood there grinning.
"Yes Miss Elbeck," said the Tw'leck suddenly becoming very respectful.
She laugh at Obi-Wan's confused face and then tugged his arm till he at last followed her into the bar, which turned out not to be such a bad place after all. Everyone there was wearing nice respectable clothes and looked very friendly and respectable. Everyone was sitting at fancy tables eating nice food and listening to a band. The place was covered with bright cheery lights.
"Judging from your face I'd say you don't remember who I am," laughed the woman breaking into his musings.
"Well, no I don't know who you ar.......wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, you look somehow familiar. I just can't place you. Or your name for that matter."
"Well the name is a new addition since you last saw me so I forgive you."
"And your first name would be....?"
"Astri Elbeck, at your service."
"ASTRI?!?!? It's great to see you!!!!"
Three years before when Obi-Wan was fourteen he had been involved with Astri and her adopted father Didi during a mission. Though they had become very good friends in that short time, Obi-Wan had seen neither of them since then.
"So you're married then??"
"Yes, this is my husband's club."
"Where is Didi??"
She grinned, "He's still running that old cafe of his. When I got married we tried to convince his to sell it but he wouldn't listen.
"I see." said Obi-Wan slowly, "But I'm not here for fun. I'm looking for a very small escapee. You wouldn't have happened to have found him??"
"He's over here."
She lead him to a table, where a very amused, handsome young man sat listening to a small boy chattering.
"and I ca jump higher dan Kelly. And I ca eat more ice cwream dan Ywerst. And I can......"
"That's enough, you small fiend," laughed Astri, "We're all very impressed with your amazing talents. Now Obi-Wan is here to take you home."
"Bud I liky it hwere bettered," protested Yorst.
"Come on," growled Obi-Wan, not feeling in the mood for arguing.
Suddenly the man spoke, "Now just a moment," he said, looking very serious. "Ya can't just come here and then leave. Now I've been looking for a boy just about your age to polish my boots. I've think ya'd better leave him here Master Kenobi."
Yorst suddenly looked a little worried.
Obi-Wan grinned, "Well, I don't know...."
"I think that sounds like a good idea," Astri said firmly. "I could use a good dish washer."
Yorst's lip began to tremble.
"Hum," murmured Obi-Wan. "He certainly is a lot of trouble...."
"Trouble eh?" said the man. He put on a terrifying face. "I don't like trouble makers. I could straighten him out real fast."
Tears filled Yorst's eyes.
"I might....." said Obi-Wan, trying desperately not to laugh. But then he felt sorry for poor Yorst. "I'd better not. His mother might miss him."
"Miss HIM?!?" cried the man who, Obi-Wan assumed, was Astri's husband. "Miss Him?!? Why, e's too naughty, I'm sure she'd THANK you for getting rid of him!!"
This was all too much for the little boy, he burst into tears, "No'w." he wept. "No'w no'w. I don'd wanta stay. I wanta go wid Oba and see Yerwst." He clung, frightened, to Obi-Wan's pant leg.
Astri frowned, and gently shook her husband's sleeve, "Garld, I think you're overdoing it."
Garld grinned, "Well, maybe I won't take him......this time. But ya stay at home from now on. Okay?"
Yorst nodded his tear stained face so vigorously, he almost fell over. "I be goowd boy from now on."
"Good," roared Garld. He winked at Astri, "And eat ya dinner, and obey Obi-Wan."
"k," sniffled Yorst.
Astri rolled her eyes, "Obi-Wan, this is my husband, Garlden Elbeck. Garld, this is Obi-Wan."
Garld shook Obi-Wan's hand, "Nice ta meet ya. Astri's told me all about ya." Garlden was a large, tall man, about twenty-six. He had cheerful brown eyes, and short brown hair. "Ya'd better be getting home now, someone might start ta worry."
"Okay," grinned Obi-Wan, "Thanks, for everything."
After reading to Llleck, Siri plopped down exhausted next to Queenda on the couch, "so Deck, what is the movie selection in that cabinet like."
"Nuthin much," he said, looking in the cabinet. "We've got: 'Mary Poppins: The Creche Mistress', 'Dumbo: The Bantha With Large Ears', 'Bambi the Orphaned Gungan,' 'My Fair Toydarien', uh, no, wait, wait, wait, that's the childrens' selection.......ours are Father, Sith, and The Son, The Jane Austen movies, Willow, The Apprentice Bride, ("oooo," squealed Siri, "I love that movie!!") The Indiana Jones Trilogy, The Matrix, and.....oooooooo the Terminator movies!!!!
"Coooooool. Do you like those Queenda???"
"Never heard of them."
Needless to say, Siri and Deck exchanged a strange look before Siri turned back to her, "I think you'd love them. Let's just skip the first one though, I like the second one better. We'll explain the plot to you."
About half an hour later, Obi-Wan came into the room. He had gotten Yerst and Yorst to bed without too much trouble. He glanced at the holo set, but he didn't feel like watching. He grabbed a book called 'Heir To The Empire' and went to the kitchen to read.
Siri, Deck, and Queenda continued to watch. Whenever Siri looked at Queenda, she was either covering her eyes, or clutching a pillow for the whole movie.
When it was over, Siri yawned, and looked at Queenda out of the corner of her eye. Queenda was white as a sheet and looked very confused. The pillow next to her was bent all out of shape.
"Did you like the movie Queenda??" Deck asked, innocently.
"I.....I," she gulped. "I've never, never in my life seen something so.....so.....primitively insulting. I shall write to the government of whatever planet produced such trash and complain. To imply that time travel is possible, is irresponsibly ridiculous. I demand to know who could ever like such......such......." while Queenda was gasping for the right word, Siri could contain herself no longer.
She burst out laughing, and continued giggling until Deck smacked her on the back with worry.
"Breath Siri," he shouted. "Breath!!!"
"I...I'm......fine......no.......really," she choked.
"You guys," cried Obi-Wan coming into the room. "You've got to read this book. It's so funny!!" he didn't even seem to notice that Siri was lying on the couch, gasping for breath.
"Uh," said Deck. "I don't mean to be rude, but is Siri okay??"
Obi-Wan didn't even look up, "Yeah, she does that all the time. But about this book, there are a bunch of weird people in it, and they're all trying to keep this 'new' republic going. And lots of other people keep trying to kill them, and there's this guy name Ben Kenobi, and he's this really silly weird ghost. And the bad guy's name is Thrawn, he's a real funny, and his sidekick is a guy named Pellaeon, who's always confused and creeped out and and this girl named Mara keeps trying to kill this other weird guy and......"
Siri went into another giggling fit.
"And who would ever want to see a movie," continued Queenda, as if she'd never been interrupted, "with such a rude, flawed basis, estimated plot, and sketchy details is beyond me and....."
Deck was silent for a moment, then he stood up and, speaking loudly to be heard over the noise, announced to no one in particular, "I'm going to bed now. Good night."
“Rise and shine everyone!!” cried a voice.
Obi-Wan grunted, and rolled over to look at the chromo on the wall. 5:20.
“Wake up wake up wake up!!” repeated the voice.
Obi-Wan sat up quickly, meaning to warn whoever it was that they were going to wake up the children. But the cot he was on was so narrow, he fell off instead.
“Ow,” he muttered. “Be quiet, you’re going to wake everyone up.”
The culprit poked her head into the room. “Padawan Kenobi,” snapped Queenda, “Please get off the floor. You will catch cold. Not to mention the room is very dusty. Now change out of your pajamas and get dressed you’re the last one to be up. We have a busy day today.”
Early morning was not the best time for Obi-Wan to argue successfully, but he tried anyway. “Queenda, it’s five-twenty. That’s too early for the kids to get up, they’ll be really tired.”
“Early to bed, early to rise, make an intelligent being healthy, wealthy, and wise,” quoted Queenda.
“Yeah whatever,“ groaned Obi-Wan. “It also gives you dark rings
under your eyes.”
“But,” persisted Queenda, “Today is the day we must go shopping with the children.”
Obi-Wan had been getting up, but when he heard this piece of news he fell down again. “ What?!?!? ” he yelled.
“I have been looking over the instructions left to us,” said Queenda primly, “And today, after Fein-Dray Satul checks on us, you, being the only one of us with a driver’s license, are to rent a speeder for the day and we will go shopping and take the children to lunch.”
“Who’s Fein-Dray Satul??” asked Obi-Wan, “AND WHO WROTE THAT LIST?!?!?!?”
“Miss Satul will check on us, and all the other babysitters for the conference, twice a day. And I don’t know who wrote the list. Now would you please get off the floor?”
“I don’t know,” Obi-Wan said thoughtfully. “What’s for breakfast?”
“You can ask Siri that,” sniffed Queenda. “Today is her day to make breakfast.”
“Uh, I’ll stay on the floor,” muttered Obi-Wan. Just then, two figure burst though the door.
“Cup!” yelled Deck, “Would you please hold still and let me put on this shirt? Silvor, stop day dreaming and put on your shoes!! Endawell, get that rock out of your mouth.”
“Llleck,” cried Siri in the kitchen, “Why on earth are you drawing in the dust?!?! Obi-Wan, get off the floor and catch those twin terrors of your’s before they drive me to an early grave!!!”
“Nox-Da,” said Queenda, “would you please not hit Berry-Da, you wouldn’t want to hurt him now. Berry-Da, please stop throwing things at your brother, it’s not nice. Now both of you, please be helpfully compliant and get dressed for the new day.”
Obi-Wan groaned softly and stood up, the day had begun!
“Don’d wike owtmealw,” grumped Yerst, squinting suspiciously at the grayish lump with black flecks that was in his bowl.
“Me neither,” agreed Silvor, munching on a piece of honeyed bread. “Siri burnt it,” he announced.
Obi-Wan kept a straight face only because of the dangerous sparks in Siri’s eyes. “It’s good for you,” he said as if trying to convince himself of that fact as well as the others. “It’s only 7:30 now, and that’s a long time till lunch so you better eat it.”
Llleck flicked her tentacles in distaste, “I no want it either.”
“Yucky,” said Berry-Da firmly, trying to throw part of his portion at
Queenda looked primly at everyone, she claimed to have a weak stomach, and so was just nibbling on a salt cracker. “Be good,” she said to no one in particular.
“Oh be quiet,” growled Siri, trying unsuccessfully to make Endawell eat some oatmeal.
“What are you doing Cup?!?!” cried poor Deck abruptly. Cup had just succeeded in stuffing most of his oatmeal down his so recently clean shirt.
He looked up and smiled sweetly, “Fun!” he said happily.
Obi-Wan bit his lip to keep from laughing. The unfortunate Deck stared in disbelieve at Cup. Just then there was a knock at the door.
“I’ll get it,” called Siri, glad to get away from the chaotic table. She opened the door, and found herself face to face with a tall, graceful looking alien. “Uh, hi,” she stammered, “Who are you?”
The alien smiled, “My name is Fein-Dray Satul. I’m a worker with the child care for the conference. I’m here to make sure you’ve found everything comfortable and satisfactory.”
“Uh, yeah,” gulped Siri, “Um, won’t you come in.”
“Thank you,” smiled Miss. Satul. She walked in, her six arms gracefully swinging by her sides. She looked at Siri apprehensive face. “Everything is all right I trust?” she said.
“Well,” Siri said stalling, “we’re eating breakfast right now.”
“I won’t be any trouble,” promised the alien.
Siri just smiled, but she wondered if there would be someone in trouble very soon. Specifically, four teenage babysitters.
Fein-Dray Satul walked into the kitchen and stopped. She took it all in quietly. Deck and Queenda were arguing. Berry-Da had finally succeeded in hitting Nox-Da with some oatmeal and Nox-Da was crying. Silvor and Llleck were drawing on the table with honey. Endawell was crying. Obi-Wan was trying to make Yerst and Yorst stop climbing on the table. And finally, little Cup was standing up in his chair, quietly dripping his breakfast out of his shirt front. The whole kitchen smelled like burnt oatmeal.
A strange expression past over the alien’s face, and the next moment it was gone. “Hum,” she said softly. “I’d say this house looks A-okay. But you guy need a little help.” She swiftly took a clean pot, and put some fresh oatmeal in it. Then she added some water, milk, and salt. Turning up the heat, she then turned her attention to the mess. With Obi-Wan, Deck, Siri, and a rather miffed Queenda’s help, she soon managed to feed, wash, and redress all the children.
A very grateful Obi-Wan showed her to the door. “Thank you so much Miss Satul,” he said, “We really needed a little boost like that.”
The alien smiled, but looked a little stern, “I don’t mind helping you out now and then, but when I come tonight I want to find things in much better order. It’s your first day, so I cut you a little slack, but I don’t want to find things like this all the time. Do you understand?”
“Good,” she smiled again. “I hate scolding people. Now, here’s some credits for the speeder, groceries, and lunch for the children. I want you to rent the speeder at the Charcoal Star’s Speeder Rentals. It’s down on level 6, main street 37 next the the Crouton Warehouse. It’s a respectable place. You can rent the speeder and then bring it back here for the children. Good luck!”
“Thanks,” said Obi-Wan. “I promise the house will be in much better condition tonight. Goodbye.”
“Goodbye.” She walked down the steps, and soon disappeared in the crowds of people going to work.
When Obi-Wan came back in, he found eight happy children quietly watching ‘Droid Story’.
“Okay Obi-Wan,” said Siri. “You and I are going to rent that speeder now.”
Obi-Wan wasn’t at all sure that Queenda and Deck could handle all the children on their own. “Siri,” he said, “Two people can not effectively watch eight small children.”
“But,” argued Siri, “the kids are watching ‘Droid Story’, and I want to get out of this house at least once today without eight children in my wake.”
“Well,” Obi-Wan insisted, “Miss Satul only said I should go.”
“Did she say that directly?” asked Siri skeptically.
“No,” admitted Obi-Wan. “But....”
“I’m going,” said Siri. “So quite arguing.”
“Well,” said Obi-Wan slowly, “All right. But we’ll have to be quick.”
“Okay. Maybe we’ll be lucky and run into trouble,” she said hopefully clipping her lightsaber on her belt.
“Right,” said Obi-Wan sarcastically. But he too clipped on his lightsaber.
“Charcoal Star,” muttered Obi-Wan.
“What,” asked Siri.
They were now on their way to the public moving levels. It was one of the few ways to get anywhere without a speeder. It was hot, and crowded in side the glass building.
“Two one way tickets to level 6 please,” said Obi-Wan to the man in the booth.
“Floor seventeen, door nine. Enjoy your day sir,” said the man, in a flat
tone that implied he hoped they died on their way there.
“I just love public services,” muttered Siri. “But what were you saying?”
“Charcoal Star’s Speeder Rentals,” explained Obi-Wan. “That’s where Miss Satul told me to rent the speeder. She said it’s on level six, main street number 37, next to the Crouton Warehouse.”
“Never heard of it,” shrugged Siri.
“Me neither,” admitted Obi-Wan, “But she seemed to know what she was talking about. Here we are, floor seventeen.”
“There’s door nine,” said Siri, pointing. “It’s awful crowded.”
They went into it, and got in line. Aliens and humans were everywhere. Everyone was grumpy and hot, including the moving level workers.
“Do you know where the Crouton Warehouse is?” asked Obi-Wan as he handed in their tickets.
“No time, long line,” intoned the woman. “Customer service’s job. Move along.”
Obi-Wan would have protested, but a grumpy looking wookie was behind him and he thought it wise to do as she said.
He motioned to Siri. When they were out of the way, he asked, “Where’s customer service?”
“Let’s try that direction,” laughed Siri, pointing to a sign that said, ‘Customer Service.’
“Worth a try,” groaned Obi-Wan, trying regain his good humor.
"Does that guy," asked Llleck pointing to the holo set, "really eat fire?"
"Of course not dear," said Queenda. "That's just a cartoon."
"I hope Obi-Wan and Siri hurry," sighed Deck, watching the movie apprehensively.
Queenda sniffed, "We can handle a few children without too much trouble."
"Maybe," Deck said slowly, but he wasn't so sure.
"Whaaaaaaaa!!," screamed Berry-Da. "Nox hit me!!"
"That's not nice Nox-Da," said Queenda sweetly.
"Gotta go potty," cried Cup. "Now!!"
"All right," said Deck. "Come on."
"Me want Oba," yelled Yerst, trying to dodge his brother. "Wana tell him Yworst hit me."
"Watch the movie," called Deck over his shoulder.
"Baba do gin," screamed Nox-Da at Berry, who was trying to hit him back.
"Don't be unkind to your brother Berry-Da," said Queenda, trying to pick up Endawell who was eating a pillow.
"Wana watchy Buggy Bunny," yelled Yorst. "I don't like this movie."
"Are you sure he's not really eating fire?" said Llleck doubtfully. "It looks pretty real to me."
"I'm sure precious," groaned Queenda. "Endawell darling, please stop licking the floor."
"When's Christmas, I want my mommy!! I gotta go to the bathroom," yelled Silvor.
"Christmas is pretty far away, dear. If you need to go, then go," sighed Queenda.
"No," said Silvor.
"Then don't go," answered Queenda.
"Yes! I gotta!," protested Silvor.
"Then go," groaned Queenda.
"No," said Silvor.
"Then don't go," said Queenda.
"But I gotta," answered Silvor.
Queenda stared at him, "Then go."
Silvor stared right back, "No."
"Then don't go."
"But I gotta."
"Do whatever you want," smiled Queenda tightly.
"No," insisted the small Bothan.
Queenda finally shrugged, and left it at that.
(author's note- this is based on a real conversation)
"Do you really really think it's not fire," asked Llleck, "Or are you just saying that."
"Maybe it's real," cried Queenda. "I'm not really sure honey, just pick which one you want to believe and stick with it."
"When Oba gona be hwere!" shouted Yerst.
Queenda sighed, "I hope soon. Berry-Da, please do not feed that holo disk to Endawell."
"I back," screamed Cup. "I go potty."
"That's nice," sniffed Silvor. "But I gotta go."
"Then go," shrugged Deck.
"Okay," he said, and ran off.
"Obi-Wan," said Siri, engrossed in a brochure. "According to this, the Jedi Temple is the is not only the biggest tourist attraction on the planet, but is also the center of politics, and Master Yoda is only five-hundred seventy-eight years old, and padawans are taken from their parents by force at the age of two months, and the Room of a Thousand Fountains was built five years ago by a three year old force sensitive, and..."
"That's nice," murmured Obi-Wan, not paying attention. "This map says the present senator is living on a tiny planet in the outer rim and has refused to make contact with anyone for three months. It also says Corascant has the highest space pirate attack rate of anywhere else, that robbery is so common the locals won't leave their homes at night, and that indol ore is mined here. Whoever wrote this has a vivid imagination I'll give him that."
"Does that one say where the Crouton Warehouse is?" asked Siri.
"Uh. . . . . . no," sighed Obi-Wan, "I will give Customer service credit that they give out a lot of free brochures." He tossed the brochure into the growing pile behind them.
"Right," Siri said sarcastically. She stood up, "Let's just guess," she closed her eyes and spun around, "That way!" she cried without opening her eyes.
"Um," Obi-Wan said, "You go that way while I watch."
Siri opened her eyes, she was pointing at a three-hundred floor glass building. "Oops," she smiled sheepishly, "I'll use the force this time." She spun around once again, "I don't sense anything in front of me. . ." she said slowly.
"Me neither," grinned Obi-Wan, "Open your eyes."
Siri did so, and found herself pointing off the end of the walkway, into space.
"Uh, double oops."
"Yeah, I'd say so," said Obi-Wan standing up. "Come on, maybe an information center could tell us."
"Maybe," shrugged Siri, "But you have to admit, my way is more interesting."
"I'm personally looking for a way to get there," growled Obi-Wan, "without breaking my neck. You can do it that way if you want."
"You're too generous," snorted Siri. "But how do I know you can find the I.C. without me ?!"
"I could manage," sighed Obi-Wan, "You just have to keep bringing that up."
"Well, I wasn't the one who walked into a senator's battle office, thinking it was I.C., to ask where the nearest bathroom was," teased Siri.
"I said drop it," scowled Obi-Wan. "I still can't believe Qui-Gon told you that story."
"Well," said Siri, "It took all my jedi skill to tell what he saying, he was laughing so hard."
"But," grinned Obi-Wan suddenly, "I still think that Adi's story about your run-in with that Yashy salesman out-rivals even my story."
"Be quiet," Siri grumped.
"What did you do with that 'genuine imitation leather holo disc converter' and that 'real fake diamond poisoned hair clip' anyway?"
"I got rid of the holo disc thingy," Siri yelled, "But maybe I saved the hair whatch-ma-call-it for just such an occasion as this!"
Obi-Wan stared at her critically, "You're going to have trouble convincing me that that purple and green scrunchy is poisoned."
"Let's just forget the whole conversation and find an I.C.," groaned Siri at last.
"You started it," Obi-Wan chuckled, "But all right."
"Come on," grunted Siri. "There's an I.C."
They walked quickly to it.
"Can you tell me where the Crouton Warehouse is??" said Obi-Wan to the counter person.
"Yoshii dallwansa," was what the alien replied.
"Um, may I speak to someone who knows basic??" asked Obi-Wan.
"Uuma uuma," laughed the creature.
Siri nudged him. "Hey," she hissed. "The basic counter is over there."
"Why didn't you see that sooner??"
"I'm doing my best, I can only attend to nine things at once," snorted Siri in reply.
"That," said Obi-wan stiffly. "Was meant to be a sarcastic remark."
"Crouton Warehouse please," Siri looked angelically at the person standing in the counter, while giving Obi-Wan a sideways sneer.
"Main street 37, next to Charcoal Star's Speeder Rentals," intoned the thin, squashed alien. "Move along."
"Well," stammered Siri. "We know that, we're looking for the Speeder Rental."
"Next to Crouton Warehouse."
"What she MEANS," said Obi-Wan cutting in, "Is that we don't know where any of this is, period."
"It's all next to the Kipper Hotel, move along ."
Siri was shoved aside by the woman behind them, and somebody kicked Obi-Wan.
"Kipper Hotel???" Obi-Wan looked hopelessly at Siri.
"I heard it, but I don't believe it," she answered, humorlessly.
"Well, as Qui-Gon always says, "When in doubt, wander aimlessly about, and pray something happens to make a change for the better," he grinned.
"Yeah," Siri rolled her eyes. "Does Qui-Gon really say that?? Or are you just trying to be funny."
"I'm trying to be original," admitted Obi-Wan. "what Qui-Gon actually does say sometimes, is "If you don't know where to go, walk in a direction that looks promising, and try not to get run over.""
"Why would he say that??" suddenly Siri chuckled. "Wait, don't tell me. He said it because you did something like that, by complete accident, didn't he??"
"Well," Obi-Wan looked a little sullen. "I didn't see the steam roller...."
Siri looked at him disbelievingly. "Obi, sometimes, but only sometimes, I wish I were with you guys just to see stuff like that."
"That's what Qui-Gon says every time I do something like that," admitted Obi-Wan. "Siri would love this. Though, for the record, the steam roller thing was a long time ago."
As the two teenagers walked along the main street 37, the buildings got progressively bigger, more factory like, and darker.
"Do you think this is the right direction to find a hotel??" asked Siri dubiously looking at the smoking chimneys and directing fires that were growing more numerous.
"Of course not," answered Obi-Wan, kicking a rubber can that came in his way. "If I was sure, I'd be running."
"Because........uh," Obi-Wan said, pointing at something behind them. "Pretend I didn't say that, because it really doesn't make any sense. There's a sign directing to Kipper Hotel."
"And there's one right next to it pointing to Charcoal Star's Speeder Rental, and the arrow's in a completely different direction." Said Siri, pointing at the other sign.
Siri wrinkled her nose, and shrugged. "You're the jedi."
"So are you."
Siri winked at nobody, "Then I say, that way!"
"Why that way," Obi-Wan stood with folded arms.
"Because......the sign says Charcoal Star's Speeder Rentals???" guessed Siri, sarcastically.
"Oh, yeah. Heh heh, I knew that," Obi-Wan walked toward the Rental.
"Sure you did," Siri followed him.
They entered it, and stood in front of a counter.
"Driver's lisence," the droid chirped, in an annoyingly cheerful voice.
Obi-Wan handed it to him, and turned to Siri with a smile. "You do realize you have to ride back there, with me driving . Don't you??"
Siri smacked her forehead. "Do'h, I knew there must be something I was over looking. Here," she snatched the license from the droid as it started to give it back to Obi-Wan. She peered hard at it, and then held it next to her face. "Whadaya think?? Would it fool anyone??"
"Sure, a blind ant."
Siri glared daggers at him, "How dare you not wear you hair long, and bleach it blond."
Obi-Wan's eyebrows lifted a fraction. "I leave stupid hair styles to Qui-Gon. You'll never catch me with long hair. Ever."
"Humph," Siri pouted.
"Blue or green??" Obi-Wan asked, pointing at two of the speeders.
"Purple," answered Siri, leaping into a different speeder.
"That wasn't......that one please," Obi-Wan said to the puzzled droid, and sighed.
He climbed into it, and covered his ears. "What is that sound??" he yelled. "Is the engine on fire????"
"No," Siri yelled back. "Isn't it great!!!???"
Obi-Wan switched off the music, and glared at her. "No Go-Go's," he said.
Siri stared at him, opened mouth. "No....no...???"
"Or Electric Junk-oh-Rama," Obi-Wan grinned.
"You made that up." Siri began fiddling with all the air conditioner controls.
"Well, it sounds like something you'd listen to," Obi-Wan turned off the heat vent that Siri had pointed right at his face. "Quit it."
Siri quit it, and began shining the glare from a vanity-mirror into Obi-Wan's face.
Obi-Wan rolled his eyes, "Suddenly I understand why you'd be terrified to ride with me."
"Okay, okay." Siri flipped the mirror back into its pocket, and slumped back into her seat. There was silence for a moment, and Obi-Wan took advantage to drive quickly.
"I'm going to sing," announced Siri.
"I'm going to crash."
Siri finally gave up, and contented herself with flicked the dash board in an annoying beat.
They arrived at the house, and Siri grinned at Obi-Wan. "Do we dare open the door???"
"No, we don't, common," Obi-Wan tugged her in a different direction.
Siri opened the door, and poked her head in. "Well, so far, the place isn't gutted by fire, or flooded...............maybe I spoke too soon."
"Why???" Obi-Wan yelled rushing past her.
There was a thin trickle of water streaming down the hall.
"Right here," Deck stepped out of a side room. Cup clung to one leg, and Llleck to the other. Silvor followed, shrieking something about grape juice on the carpet.
"Where's Queenda??" Siri asked.
Deck looked at the trickle of water, and groaned. "Uh, Endawell was eating dirt from a potted plant, and needed another bath. Queenda said she's do it...maybe it's not going so good."
"I'd say so," Obi-Wan ran up to the bathroom.
Queenda stood in the center of a flood, her tunic ran with bath water, and Endawell, sitting in the middle of it all quite calmly, was chewing on her hair, which had come down.
"Hello," Obi-Wan said, uncertain as to what exactly to say.
Queenda sputtered slightly, and smiled sheepishly. "Little Endawell broke the facet," she pointed at the spiting facet.
"Uh, Queenda, it's not broken," Obi-Wan stuck the little pin that had fallen out back into its slot. The gush of water instantly stopped.
"I am soaked," announced Queenda. "Quick, get Endawell into something dry before she catches cold."
Obi-Wan caught up the soaked two year old, and managed to keep from laughing till he was away from Queenda.
"Go help that brilliant turkey in there," he said to Siri. "Before she starts cooking or something."
"Right. May I use a lightsaber??"
He took the shoe Endawell was chewing on away, and dressed her in dry clothes. Deck soaked up as much of the water as he could, and stopped Yorst from cutting off his head with Siri's lightsaber.
"Day two, and doing fine," he grinned at Obi-Wan. "We still have to take them out to lunch."
Obi-Wan groaned, "Do NOT remind me!"
"And go shopping," called Siri over her shoulder.
"I can get chewed on by a gadferee, tangle with a fjouner, fight with a balgor, but stick me with eight lousy kids," muttered Obi-Wan.
Queenda came in, and turned off the TV. Nox-Da screamed, and Berry-Da hit him.
"Berry-Da, not nice," Queenda sniffed. "Nox-Da, hush dear, you're all right."
Deck picked up Cup, and refilled his sippy-cup. "We need to get going, we're running out of time."
"Fine," Obi-Wan pried Yerst off his boot, and prevented Yorst from smacking him. "Let's go before anything else happens."
"My blessing," grinned Siri. "We are outahere!"
"Five credits for a pack of Go-Yert!??" Obi-Wan groaned. "It'd be cheaper to feed these kids on steak."
"Don'd wike seek, wike canty, un uver stuff," Yerst tried to pull a pack of cookies off the shelf, and started a mini land slide. "Whee!!" He giggled.
"Yerst, sweety, don't do that," Siri said absently, as she continued flipping though the 'Mara Steward Living' magazine. "Obi-Wan, look at these cute little Yoda shaped cookies! This month's on the Jedi."
"I like the lightsaber center pieces made out of empty toilet paper tubs better," replied Obi-Wan. "But the Halloween cloaks made out of Styrofoam and aluminum foil are just too much."
Siri shrugged, and took a can of peas away from Endawell, who was sucking on it.
Deck appeared, red faced and holding Cup. A sullen looking Silvor followed.
"The management has asked us to leave," he said to Obi-Wan. "Silvor hit a lady at the check out for calling him a little gentleman."
"What a mistake," Obi-Wan said sarcastically. "You and I'll take the kids outside and let the girls do the shopping in peace."
"You call shopping with Queenda peaceful," hissed Siri. "I picked up a bag of Cheeta-ohs, and she had a fit about the unhealthiness of them. Adi and I have lived off stuff like that for three years and neither of us are dead yet."
"That might change for you if Queenda catches you buying junk food," said Deck. "She's real tough about that, so's our mom."
"Come here you little scamp," Obi-Wan scooped up the two twins, one on either hip. "Grab my tunic, Llleck. Deck, get Endawell and Cup. Silvor, stay close." Clucking like a hen, and feeling like a fool, Obi-Wan herded the children out. "Hey, where're Nox-Da and Berry-Da??" he said suddenly. His heart leaping to his throat.
"Last I saw, Queenda was with them walking towards the produce aisle" answered Deck, detaching Cup's tunic belt from Endawell who was nibbling on it.
"Why didn't you say anything???" asked Obi-Wan, annoyed. "Now we have to go find them and get the boys."
"We don't really have to," suggested Deck.
"No," Obi-Wan decided. "We're giving the girls free range to shop. The more we buy now, the less we have to buy later."
"Good point," Deck grinned. "I nominate Obi-Wan Kenobi to go get them."
"On second thought, it wouldn't hurt Queenda to have a little quality time with the boys," Obi-Wan said thoughtfully.
"Fine." Deck gave Endawell her thumb, and untangled Cup from Silvor's necklace.
They found a street band for the children to watch, and bought them ice-cream cones.
Siri, Queenda, and the two boys emerged from the store, and handed their bags to the boys.
"This is it??" Obi-Wan said, looking with surprise at the three bags.
Siri glanced and Queenda, and they both smiled. "Yeah. That's it. The rest is inside, waiting for the strong male arms to do their job." Siri grinned at Obi-Wan. "You can protect a girl, sing to her, pay her rent, whatever, but the way to win her heart is to carry her groceries."
Deck handed Endawell to Siri, and untied Cup from the tree he'd attached him to. "Silvor," he said, "stop cutting that bench. Where'd you get that knife??"
"It's not a knife. It'sa rock," Silvor held up a sharp chunk of broken concrete.
"Well, give me that," Deck took the rock, and tossed it away.
Silvor stuck out his lip, and kicked Deck sharply on the shin.
"Ow!!" yelled Deck, almost dropping Cup's lead. "Silvor, shame on you. You're acting like a three year old."
"I no do dat," Cup pouted, sharply kicking Deck on his other shin.
"Be a sweet little boy," said Siri, grinning.
Cup took her hand and smiled up at her, "Me wery sweet, Siwi."
"You just have to know how to handle them," Siri looked innocently at Deck.
"Come on Obi-Wan," Deck glared at her. "I think I like carrying groceries better than babysitting.
There came a howl of protest from Silvor. "I am not a baby!!!" he yelled.
"Prove it," Deck said.
"Deck, that is not an appropriate response to a child of eight. Why don't you let him carry groceries with you??" Queenda quipped.
"Not you, too."
"Oh, Deck," Queenda sniffed.
"Just let him, Deck," Obi-Wan grabbed Silvor's hand, and tugged him towards the store.
"Do you think they need some help??" Queenda said to Siri. The boys had been gone for ten minutes to get five bags of groceries.
"Naaw," Siri shook her head, and removed a travel map from Endawell's mouth. "There they are now."
Obi-Wan appeared, holding five grocery bags. Behind him tramped Deck, dragging a sullen Silvor. They loaded the car in silence, and Deck watched Silvor buckle in with a glare.
"What took you so long??" asked Siri.
"Five landslides and one explosion." Answered Obi-Wan.
"Silvor smashed a cart into a ciggara machine, and a circuit popped. The whole store has lost its electricity. We ran under the cover of the darkness," Obi-Wan pointed at Silvor. " You are grounded young man."
"How uncivilized," said Queenda.
" You be quiet," Obi-Wan said to Queenda. "Next time, you juggle the brat."
Silvor stuck his tongue out at Obi-Wan.
"Don't you think leaving Deck home to make Silvor take a nap falls under the category of cruel and unusual??" Sir asked Obi-Wan, munching the last bite of her hamburger.
"We took Cup, and Silvor had to have someone to watch him. Why?? Are you volunteering yourself for next time??"
"Uh, lemee think about it no," answered Siri quickly. "Nox-Da, do not smear mayonnaise on your face."
"Why does Endawell eat everything except her food??" wondered Obi-Wan.
"She's eaten two French fries and I swear that's it."
"Wrong," Siri kissed the top of Endawell's head. "She's also eaten one of the sesame seeds off the top of her bun, haven't you sweetycums?"
"This whole experience is making me want to write a book, entitled something like, The Day Siri Cracked and other stories," Obi-Wan flicked a seed at Siri. She threw a French fry back, and hit him in the head.
"I'd rather crack than be you."
"Look at what Yerst is doing to your padawan braid."
Obi-Wan snatched his braid away, and wiped the ketchup off. "Yuck, why did you do that??"
"Obi's hair gotta be wed wike mine," the three year old informed him, touching his own flaming locks.
"Well, Obi-Wan doesn't want red hair. The last red head he knew died."
Yerst looked suspiciously at him, "Yeah wight."
"May I live a thousand years and never hunt again," Obi-Wan said. "Cross a T'lla's four hearts and hope to die."
"Obi-Wan, quit telling the poor kid your many tales of woe," Siri told him.
"Queenda and I are taking Llleck, Nox-Da, and Berry-Da for refills. Think you can handle the remaining horde??"
"Yes, thank you," Obi-Wan said stiffly.
Siri eyed him suspiciously, "Yeah right, well, keep a sense of humor."
"Why would I want to do that??"
"Look at Yorst."
She hurried after the others as Obi-Wan turned, just in time to see Yorst attempting to place a bug in a fat alien's dress.
"No Yorst!!!" yelled Obi-Wan, and jerked the three year old away, just in time for the bug to fall and the boy to be no where near when the alien turned around after squealing. She was big, very big. She towered over Obi-Wan and glared with her nine eyes.
"Excuse me, ma'm," Obi-Wan swallowed. "My little brother just dropped a bug down your dress."
The alien felt with her one of her hands, and fished the bug out. She then ate it. "Goo ne bwah," she said impassively. Obi-Wan prayed fervently that she hadn't said anything about suing, and turned away nervously. The alien continued to glared at him as he ate and fed Cup.
She was still standing there when the girls returned, and sat down.
"What's with the hefty warlike lady scowling down your neck??" Siri whispered.
"Twin victim, and she thinks it was me with the bug. I suggest evacuation, really soon, too," Obi-Wan could almost feel her glare on the back of his neck.
"Oh, I don't know, seeing you get your face smashed in might be pretty entertaining."
"Maybe for [i] you [i/] ," Obi-Wan scowling at her. "But I don't favor that option."
"Fine, we'll evacuate. Trust you to pick the most uniteresting choice." Siri picked up Endawell and Cup, and attached Lleck's hand to her tunic. "Lead the way, professer." She said to Obi-Wan.
He scooped up Yerst and Yorst and Queenda snagged Berry-Da and Nox-Da. "I personally don't like gum in my hair," Obi-Wan said.
Siri looked back at him suspiciously, "What are you talking about??"
"Didn't you notice that Llleck isn't chewing anymore??"
Siri closed her eyes, and muttered something about sarlacc pit monsters being too good for someone.
"Now now," Obi-Wan wagged his finger. "She is just an innocent, sweet little girl. You just need to know how to handle these cute little..."
"Dinko's," interrupted Siri. "Point made, Master Kenobi. Shaddup and untangle Endawell from this napkin container, I don't have a free hand."
Queenda dislocated it from Endawell's mouth, and sniffed. "I don't think you got this hungry child to eat enough, Siri."
"Well, aside from shoving the food down her throat, what do you suggest?? I didn't hear you giving any tips during the meal."
Queenda turned away, miffed, and Obi-Wan turned to Siri and whispered, "You could be a little nicer."
"To that bantha?? I tell you, she gave me nightmares last night."
"Yeah, but you're not being any Eago Angel yourself. I know she a bit of a pill..."
"A bit??? Do you need glasses and a hearing aid????"
"...but she's still a human being."
"Actually, Deck said something about his dad having some distant Feen'as blood in him."
"Siri," Obi-Wan said warningly.
"Okay, fine," Siri sighed and rolled her eyes. "I'll try to be nicer. Happy??"
"Yes. Now uncross you fingers."
"Okay okay, I promise to not be a grouch. No fingers, toes, or eyes crossed."
"Endawell is eating your shirt," Queenda's voice came from behind them. Her voice was drier than usual.
Siri extricated herself from the baby's mouth, and said, with surprising sincerity, "Thanks."
Queenda looked slightly surprised, and replied, "You're welcome."
The ride home was less eventful than the majority of the day had been, and Deck greeted them at the door. He was red eyed, and looked tired.
"Silvor??" Obi-Wan asked a lot in one word.
"Like a Draco," answered Deck. "I don't know what's gotten into him. He was yelling at the top of his voice ever since I put him to bed."
"He's not now, what made him stop??"
"His voice gave out," Deck sighed. "I have such a headache."
"Rough," Siri said, her voice vaguely sympathetic. "These kids all need naps, Queenda and I will manage the weaker sex, you guys do the masculine kind."
"You are too generous," Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. He carried the two sleepy twins, and Deck grabbed the other three. They trouped upstairs, and burst in just in time to see Silvor fling himself in his bed and hide his hands behind his back."
"What were you doing??" Obi-Wan asked suspiciously.
"Nufin," Silvor opened his purple eyes wide, and his gray fur swirled nervously.
"Let me see your hands," Obi-Wan commanded.
Reluctantly, and very slowly, Silvor did so. He displayed two hands, dyed bright blue.
Deck sniffed his hands, and then the air. "Smells like Nifu juice. Where did you put that juice I gave you earlier???" He demanded.
Sobbing a little, but still defiant, Silvor pointed to the vent. Obi-Wan opened it, and found his lightsaber floating in a large amount of blue fruit juice.
His mouth dropped open, and he fished it out. He tried to ignite the blue blade, which gave a brave sputter, and then popped. Nothing happened.
"You....you ruined my lighsaber!!" he yelled.
Silvor sniffed, and started crying in earnest. He knew he was in big trouble now.
"Qui-Gon is going to kill me," moaned Obi-Wan. "Why, stars, WHY?!?!?"
Silvor slowed his crying, and suck out his lip. "I'm mad at Deck."
"Why could you have shoved Deck's stuff in the juice????" groaned Obi-Wan.
"Hey," said Deck. "Don't give the little twirp ideas!"
"No dessert for the next five nights," said Obi-Wan.
"We only have three more nights," put in Deck.
"What- ever !!" Obi-Wan shouted. "No T.V. for the next five nights, either."
"I told Silvor no T.V. or dessert for the next five days," Obi-Wan announced to the girls, displaying his smoking lightsaber.
Siri looked puzzled, "We only have three more days, counting today."
Obi-Wan made a sound of complete frustration, something between a buzzsaw and a squeal, and threw himself down on the couch.
"The Corascantian Hillbillies are on in five minutes," said Deck.
"Three minutes," said Queenda.
"I want to watch Attack of The Partridges in the Pear Tree," said Siri, looking at the guide booklet.
"I want to watch the Mara Steward show," said Queenda.
"I want to watch that kid sizzle and die," muttered Obi-Wan.
"Oh get real," Siri said. "I don't see that anywhere in the book. Forget the Partridges, I want to watch, Leave it to Wookie."
"Howzabout the Solo Bunch??" Deck suggested.
"What wrong with Mara Steward??" Queenda demanded.
"What about this new show, The Lord of the Tupperware Dishes?? I hear it's really exciting," said Siri.
"Forget that, let's watch Gungan's Island." Deck cried. "I love that."
"Sure," agreed Siri. "Let's not. Do you like Han Potter and the Defective Hyperdrive????"
"What's wrong with Mara Steward??"
"I want Gungan's Island!!!"
"I still don't understand why you dislike the idea of watching Mara Steward."
While the argued, Obi-Wan calmly switch on the Jetisans, the stone of age of all galaxies.
A sleepy eyed Cup emerged from the bedroom, dragging his stuffed toydarien doll behind him.
"Hey kid," Deck greeted him from the couch where he was reading. "Hungry?"
"Nuhuh," Cup nodded, and sleepily sat down.
"Siri, Queenda, and Obi-Wan are cooking supper. Want me to read you a book??"
One by one, various children trickled in as they woke up. Some read, some watched T.V. Even Silvor was less tenacious.
Along with the children, various smells trickled in. The most prominent one smelling suspiciously close to burnt.
Siri finally stumped in. Her face was smudged, and a splash of batter was in her hair. "Dinner," she announced. "Or, what’s left of it, is served."
They trooped in, and sat down, looking in disbelief at the chard meal before them.
"I give up," Deck finally said to the three stony faced cooks. "What is it??"
"It," said Obi-Wan. "Is something of a protein-like nature, though I doubt it still retains that complement."
"What is the name that used to belong to it??"
"Chicken pot pie, with a garnish spring of parsley."
Deck gingerly poked around with his fork. "Hey! I think I identified the parsley!"
"Well, it was the item only item that Siri didn't apply the searing kiss of death, otherwise known as the stove, to."
"I made dessert," volunteered Queenda.
Deck looked a little dubious, "Not your stewed prunes again?? I hope??"
"Nope," Queenda grinned at Siri. "I made death by chocolate cake, with peppermint icing. I didn't burn that ."
Deck's mouth fell open. "Impressive. Feel free to kill me any time."
"It is the best way to die," agreed Siri.
"It was Siri's idea," Queenda said modestly.
"We've got frozen chicken in the oven," sighed Obi-Wan. "We figured we didn't need eight children and four teenagers waking up with major stomach troubles tonight, from eating poisoned pot pie. We'll try to do better on the cooking department tomorrow."
"Well, I know now that the set 'clean' on the stove isn't a setting to cook on," said Siri. "So that sets us off on the right foot already."
"Wait," Obi-Wan said. "What do you mean......YOU DIDN'T SET CLEAN ON OUR CHICKEN, DID YOU???????????????"
"Quiet down," Siri said. "I looked like a tough bird anyway."
"Siri.......sometimes......." Obi-Wan sat down and put his head between his hands.
"Oh dear," cried Queenda. "Miss Fren-Dray Satul will be here in fifteen minutes. The children..." she trailed off, and gestured hopelessly at the eight small problems.
Endawell had tried sucking on the pie, but had spat in out. Now she was chewing on the back of her chair. Yerst and Yorst were having a pretend lightsaber battle with their chicken. Nox-Da had spilled his water and was crying. Berry-Da and Llleck were arguing and trying to hit each other across the table, meanwhile knocking over alternate objects. Silvor had disappeared (he was discover a moment later, eating the cake).
"Deck, you and I will clean up," said Obi-Wan quickly. "You girls get some kind of nutrition in this brood."
The teens raced around, trying various methods to be quicker and more efficient.
Ten minutes later, the kids were fed and dressed for bed. The kitchen and other areas were mostly clean, and everyone was panting.
"We," gasped Obi-Wan. "Are michel deving the wonder kids."
Then the phone rang, and Obi-Wan answered it. "Hello......yes............oh, we're fine.........uh huh............sure, that's okay, I understand perfectly........okay, thanks for calling. Bye."
He returned, looking haggard.
"Well??" Siri looked at him questioningly.
"Miss Satul is too busy to check up on us today, she isn't going to have time to check on us at all before the conference ends."
They all stared, first at him, and then at the floor.
There was silence for a long, long time.
"I wonder what that cake tasted like," Deck finally said. He sounded wistful.
Queenda threw a pillow, with surprisingly good aim, at him.
"Day three," muttered Obi-Wan to nobody. "Rations and morals low, commander contemplating mutany."
"Oh shut up," said Siri, kissing Endawell's smudged face. "Queenda's idea to make playdoh with the kids was a great idea."
"You've got the baby and little miss perfect," said Obi-Wan. "I have two twin terrorizing youths to juggle."
"Makes combat seem easy," admitted Siri. "But I can't decide if I feel more for you or Deck."
"Feel for me," said Obi-Wan. "I've got playdoh in my ear. Yerst, cut it out."
"That sounds like kiss my I'm Ishri."
"Me Yorwst," answered the red head.
"Five minutes till this batch is done," announced Deck.
"Three minutes," disagreed Silvor.
"Me Yorwst." Yorst was tugging at Obi-Wan’s tunic.
"Endawell, stop chewing on that. Doesn't that strike your little two year old brain as SALTY??????" Siri giggled.
"Me still Yorwst."
"Okay, now it's three minutes." Deck slapped the back of Silvor’s hand as he tried to spill a cup full of flour.
"It doesn't look done to me, add two more minutes," Obi-Wan said.
"Berry, no hitting an unarmed younger sibling."
"ME STILL YORWST!!!!!!!!!"
"I know!! Be quiet and chill out!! Now the commander doing more than contemplating mutiny."
"Commander?? Who died and made you leader??" demanded Siri.
"A fellow by the name of Riddle," Obi-Wan said. "Nice guy, likes to talk to snakes."
"Honestly," Siri shook her head. "Sometimes I worry about you."
"Don't bother, Qui-Gon does enough of that. Speaking of worrying, I wonder when our masters are going to call."
"They don't have us there to protect them," said Siri, munching on a pretzel. "Perhaps they died."
"I'm not that lucky," said Obi-Wan. "Is your mom going to call today??"
"Probably," Deck said. "Okay, now it's done."
Obi-Wan looked into the bubbling pan, and shook his head. "Oh, I think it needs five more minutes."
(ten minutes later)
"You know, Deck, just because people suggest more time, does mean you have to try it."
"I didn't know playdoh was explosive."
"Endawell, stop chewing on spoon. It's covered in salt."
"You know, this cook book says charcoal is good for the teeth. Would you like to make lunch, Siri??"
"The park. We are supposed to take them to the park." Obi-Wan stared dully at the tablet of doom, otherwise known as the schedule. "I can just see it. The twins fall in the lake, Silvor vandalizes every living thing in sight, Cup gets lost for the majority of the outing, and Llleck falls down and starts crying because she got dirt on her new outfit."
"Don't forget the Da boys smacking one another with everything in sight and Endawell chewing on numerous things that ought not to be chewed upon," put in Siri.
"I was trying to forget it."
"We leave in five minutes," said Deck. "Be there, or be square."
"I'm pretty square."
"Go get the girls dressed, Siri."
"Endawell," shouted Siri. "That tree is not a sucker. Nox! Berry!! Put those sticks down, you're going to poke out an eye. Deck, fish those twins out of that puddle."
"I can't find Cup," said Queenda, running up, breathless.
A policeman came striding up, "I found this young boy, says he's with you, scratching the paint off that bench over there with these rocks."
"I'm so sorry," said Obi-Wan. "We've got a large group here, we're babysitting for the conference. We'll keep a better eye on him."
"Is that kid also with you??" he pointed to Llleck, sitting on the ground, sobbing.
"Yes," Obi-Wan tried to smile. "Llleck, honey, come over here.
"I....I tore my new dress," she sobbed.
"I suggest," said the officer coldly. "Staying at home with these kids till you can control them."
"Yes, sir," said Obi-Wan. "We'll take them home right now."
Once they were in the speeder, Siri started giggling. "Are we psychic or what!"
"We're Jedi," Obi-Wan said coldly. "And if we want it to stay that way, I suggest no more babysitting jobs after this one."
"HEY!!!!!!" yelled Queenda. "We've only got seven small heads back here!!!!"
"Don't you think that's enough...." Obi-Wan slammed on the brakes so hard all the children squealed with joy.
"Deck, we forgot...
"Cup!!!!" they shouted together.
"I wouldn't go back to that park if you paid me," said Obi-Wan. "That policeman had found Cup, and guessed who he belonged to. He was waiting for us when we got there. Did you know 'amateurish thick headed adolescents' can be used as an effective insult??"
"I'd never thought of it," said Siri.
"Well, it can."
"What was on the schedule after this episode??"
"It was set up for us to not get back till late afternoon. Early supper and then baths for all beings under nine."
"Okay, here’s what we'll do. Deck and I will handle dinner, girls can do baths. Then we rent a kids movie for 7, and a movie for us at 9."
"I've heard worse," said Siri. "Let's do it!"
"Air Force Nine??"
"We got the kids My Favorite Earthling. Any luck with the trash department??" asked Siri.
"Nope, just trash. No jems."
"Howabout the Patriotic??"
"Seen it. You like humor??"
"What kind of humor??" asked Queenda, suspicious.
"The funny kind. Christmas Vacation."
"Never seen it."
"Me either," said Siri. "Is it funny??"
"Could be. Let's get it."
"Could be worse, could be meat. I'm game," agreed Deck.
Queenda looked dubious, Obi-Wan could hardly blame her, but she agreed to try it.
"Kids fed and bed, and only three mishaps on the whole," sighed Obi-Wan.
"Five mishaps. Silvor 'accidentally' dumped his entire bag of clothes in the bathtubs before it was finished emptying, though he could give no reason for being in the bathroom, and Yorst broke Llleck fifth doll."
"Her third one," corrected Siri. "Endawell drank so much bath water, Queenda finally had to hold her mouth shut while I scrubbed."
"That kid may look human, but she doesn't eat like one. She eats more like a toag."
"So, shall we start the movie??"
"Absolutely times a thousand."
(two and a half hours later)
Obi-Wan wiped his streaming eyes, and hit the rewind button. "That," he said. "Was great."
"Is your house on fire Clark??" intoned Siri in a feeble soprano.
"Where's Eddy, he usually eats these things!" yelled Deck.
"My favorite part was the fried cat. That's the only good use for fluff balls like that." **
Everyone fell silent, and looked at Queenda, surprised at such a human sentiment.
"What??" she said.
"Nothing," shrugged Obi-Wan. "I liked the ball he couldn't untangle."
"That was great," Siri grinned. "Babysitting ends tomorrow, I think I died and went to heaven."
"Come back to Corascant," said Obi-Wan dryly. "The kitchen still needs to be cleaned."
"We can do it tomorrow," yawned Siri. "I'm beat, and it's much too late."
Obi-Wan was awakened by the door bell. He jerked up, and fell to the floor already trying to run. Unfortunately, he was not very conscious. He ran full into the wall.
"Oww," he groaned.
"Ding dong," went the bell again.
He stumbled to the door, and opened it. A young woman he didn't recognize was standing there, along with a Bothan. "Who're you??" he slurred, his voice still thick with sleep.
The woman wrinkled up her heavily powered nose, and gestured with her painted and ringed hand. "I was told to pick my daughter, Endawell, up here." She looked with pointed discuss at Obi-Wan's nightclothes.
"Have I come to the right place??"
"Endawell...uh, yeah, yeah. Come on in. Are you Silvor's mother???"
"I," said the Bothan icily. "Am his father."
Obi-Wan gulped, he'd forgotten to look if the Bothan's head crest feathers were long or short, in the traditional female or male style.
"Sorry," he muttered rubbing his eyes. "I just, I just got up."
The Bothan did not say anything, and the woman looked expressively at her watch. "I'm waiting," she said in a nasty voice.
"Right, right," Obi-Wan stumbled into the boys room, and shook Deck awake. "Get Silvor up, dress him, and get all his stuff together. His dad's here, and is waiting for him."
"Wha.....w......what??" Deck finally managed.
But Obi-Wan was already sprinting to the girls wing. He pounded on the door.
"Endawell's mom's here," he said. "She's in a hurry, are you guys up??"
"Yeah," Siri answered. "Here she is." She opened to door and handed him Endawell and all her stuff.
"You guys are up??"
"It's all Queenda's doing, she got up early and dressed to girls. She knew some of the parents would be here early."
"When was she going to share that revelation with the rest of us," muttered Obi-Wan to himself as he scooted down the hall to Endawell's mother.
"Here she is," he said, and tried to smile though the choking cloud of perfume Endawell's mother was giving off.
"There's my angel," she crowed. "There's my darly, sweety. How are you precious??"
Endawell cooed, and smiled. "Mumumum," she said in a baby voice.
Obi-Wan gave an absolutely fake sweet smile, and tried desperately not to grimace. He failed completely however, when Silvor greeted his father by sticking out his tongue.
Silvor’s father didn’t seem to notice, and trilled at him in some language. Silvor stuck out his tongue again.
With two trials out of the house, Obi-Wan only had so worry about six now. No sweat.
Over the course of the day, Nox-Da and Berry-Da were disposed of, as well as Cup. That reduced the number of ulcers he thought he was developing, to three. Unfortunately, those three seemed to have reluctant cures. The whole day chugged by without producing any Teesas or humans to claim flesh and blood parasites.
Adi and Qui-Gon arrived in time for dinner, which was, luckily, takeout. Queenda and Deck’s mom arrived about eight o’clock.
“It was nice to meet you, Obi,” Deck said, already understanding that ‘Obi’, desperately hated that nickname.
Siri smiled with absolute insincerity, “See you again some time, Queenda.”
“Yeah, you too, Siri,” Queenda smiled primly. She didn’t exactly improve over time, but she did become more bearable.
Only Obi-Wan caught Siri’s finished sentence, “…in my nightmares.” He took one look at Deck’s mother, and was desperately thankful for Qui-Gon being his only trial. With overdone nails, hair, and clothes, she looked like the perfect definition of a very hard person to live with.
Qui-Gon noticed that Obi-Wan and Siri looked beat, “Why don’t you two go to bed early tonight?? We’ll watch the kids.”
There was a suspiciously humorous glimmer in Siri’s eye as she looked at Obi-Wan. “Oh no,” she said at last. “We couldn’t do that to you.”
“Oh, very funny,” Adi tousled Siri’s blond hair, and grinned. “Remember, I’ve handled you for the past four years.”
“You have a point,” Obi-Wan wisely sidled away from Siri as he said that. “But poor Qui-Gon has only been used to me, he won’t be able to do it.”
“Yeah,” Siri aimed a couch cushion at Obi-Wan, and threw with careful precision. “He’ll fall asleep, too easy.”
“That’s enough you two,” Qui-Gon rolled his eyes. “We can cope with three children. Go to bed.”
Obi-Wan pulled the covers tightly over his head, and sighed contently. He was pretty tired. His head began to muddle, and he was just slipping away when a terrific crash sound from the other room. It sounded suspiciously like something breaking.
He went to the door, “Is everything all right??” he called through it.
“Yes,” Qui-Gon’s voice sounded oddly strained. “Go back to sleep.”
Obi-Wan shrugged, after all, now this was their problem, and went back to sleep.
He was awoken by a cold, heavy feeling on the back of his neck. Opening his eyes, he would himself staring drousily into the wide green eyes of one of the twins. Which was, he wasn’t sure. The heavy cold feeling, was marmalade being spread generously through his hair.
“Wha you doing??” he mumbled, only half comprehending what was going on.
“Holwd stiw,” the red head commanded. “I givin you a sampoo.”
“Don wana shampoo,” Obi-Wan rolled over, and tried to ignore the stick substance oozing down his back.
“Ywerst, you is funny!”
The cry was enough to make Obi-Wan open his eyes, and watch, in disbelief, Yerst, holding his master’s cloak, and pouring a cup full of chocolate milk on it.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING???” he demanded, trying desperately not to laugh.
“Nuncle Qui-cky said go pway somewhere ewse. We us boddering him and Anty Anty.”
If hearing Qui-Gon referred to as, “Uncle Qui-cky” wasn’t enough to make Obi-Wan laugh despite his head covering, “Anty Anty” was. He laughed and laughed, wondering at the same time what they were going to do with these children. Then he remembered that crash.
“What broke last night??” he asked.
The twin simultaneously pointed out the door. “Usn’t ow fawlt.” Yorst said quickly. “It us Nuncle Qui-cky.”
“What do you mean it was Qui-Gon??” curiosity won the day, and woke Obi-Wan up completely. He stumbled out of the room, and into the living room. Siri was laying on the couch, and pillow over her head. Adi was arguing with Llleck about something. Qui-Gon was standing, his head curiously bowed, looking at some smoking remains. It was the TV.
“What happened??” Obi-Wan demanded. Qui-Gon didn’t answer, and Adi slipped away into the kitchen. Siri finally took the pillow off her head, which had been smothering her laughter.
“Qui-Gon had an accident last night,” she snickered.
“Well??” Obi-Wan looked at his master.
Qui-Gon’s lips were tightly pressed together, and he didn’t answer.
“You broke the TV??” Obi-Wan’s voice trembled curiously, like someone who was very worried, or someone who was suppressing laughter with a will of iron.
“Yerst and Yorst had some time by themselves last night,” Qui-Gon’s voice was hollow. “They spend it constructively by setting a booby trap. I was the victum, I slipped in the jello spread on the floor, and fell into the TV. Chaos ensued.” His mouth twisted wryly, though whether it was in a smile or grimace it was impossible to tell. “I’m afraid that money we were saving for that holo burner is going to have to go from something else.”
“Aww,” Obi-Wan groaned.
“Obi-Wan, did you know that your hair changed color in your sleep??” Siri was looking hard at him.
“Uh, I think that’s part of something the twin were supposed to eat,” Obi-Wan felt an unusually large droplet drip into his ear. “I’m going to go shower. Could you make sure the twins don’t, like, blow me up while I’m doing it or anything??”
“No problem,” Siri put the pillow over her head again, and, considering the sparks in Qui-Gon’s eyes, that wasn’t such a bad idea.
As Obi-Wan got out of the shower, he heard the doorbell. Probably those tardy parents were here. He was just considering not making an appearance, when Siri knocked on the door.
“Hey, Jedi boy!” she called. “You’ve got two tiny admirers weeping and wanting to say bye to their “fend, oba”. Considering their parent’s strained looks, you need to make some kind of an appearance.”
“Mayn’t I call in sick?” Obi-Wan asked.
“Be my guest, but I won’t be responsible for whatever your master does to you.” Siri laughed. “But we all know Qui-Gon has, uh, a limited sense of humor in these types of situations.”
“If you're referring to that banquet, I did finally show up…and it wasn’t my fault, I swear!” Obi-Wan finished getting dressed, and came reluctantly out.
He and Siri came into the hall, and Obi-Wan found his legs clasped in a death grip by two sobbing three year olds.
“Bye…b b bye Obawun,” Yerst howled.
“Don’d wana say byebye,” wailed Yorst.
With a tight sort of smile, the red haired man Obi-Wan assumed was their father detached his offspring from the Jedi’s pant leg. “Thank you so much for watching them, we had a very nice time at the conference. I know they can be, uh, a bit of a handful.”
“Not at all,” Obi-Wan grinned. “They were pretty cute.”
The twins switched off their howling, and leaped into their mother’s arms. She was a pretty woman, and, though rather small, she managed to hold them at the same time with relative ease.
“Come on you two,” their father sighed with relief. “We have to be off planet by tomorrow or daddy will get fired.”
“Den you pway wiff us all da time??” Yerst questioned hopefully.
“No,” his father hasended to assure him. “If I loose my job, I’ll get to play with you less .”
“Oh, tummon,” Yerst tugged on his mother’s hair like reins. “Go quicky.”
As the interesting family left, Qui-Gon explained what Obi-Wan had missed. “They arrived to pick them up late because of a traffic incident. It also left them without any kind of phone to tell us where they were.”
“Whatever,” Obi-Wan went into the kitchen to get some breakfast. Llleck was sitting in there, pouting. She’d lost the argument with Adi, and was not allowed to leave the table till she finished her breakfast.
“You’ll be going home today,” Obi-Wan remarked, silently praying that that was true.
Llleck sniffed, “I don haffa eat if I don wana.”
“Fine,” Obi-Wan ate a piece of toast, and left the sulking girl. The phone rang, and he picked it up. “Hello??”
“Is this the residence for the babysitting for the conference??” the voice was very stuffy sounding, and not particularly friendly.
“Yes,” Obi-Wan answered.
“I am the leading butler for the Du’Neel Hebbat family. Is this the correct house where Llleck is being cared for?”
“Llleck was supposed to be picked up by her nanny, but a traffic problem prevented her from getting there yesterday.”
“Oh, yeah, we had another family blocked by that as well,” Obi-Wan wished he would just get to the point.
“Today is a universal Teesa holiday, so the entire staff is off. I cannot come myself, and there is no one to pick her up. Would it be too much trouble,” he coughed suggestively. “For one of you to run her home?? It is only about twenty minutes away.”
“Uh, I guess so,” the last thing Obi-Wan felt like doing was going out in public, he’d hoped to go online at the temple and stay that way till bedtime, but he also didn’t feel like getting in trouble.
“What’s your problem??” Siri asked when he got off the phone. He looked irritated.
“Someone has to run Llleck home, they can’t get her. Some Teesa holiday, and they have no staff. They gave me directions.” He motioned to a scrap of paper.
Siri snatched it, read it, and whistled. “Oh brother! These people are, like, in the most upscale place on all Corascant. I pity you Obi-Wan.”
“Me?? Why do you pity me?? Couldn’t Adi or Qui-Gon do it??”
“Nope,” Siri grinned. “Adi and me are already late for a new mission, and Qui-Gon has to go, uh, pay for the TV.”
Obi-Wan made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a whimper. “Hm, why me??”
“I don’t know,” Siri shook her head. “You have the creepiest knack for getting into bigger situations than you can handle.”
“When did you wake up and notice??” Obi-Wan said nastily. “The last thing I want to do today, is go to that snooty park and deliver that brat to her servants.”
“Aw, maybe you’ll get to know Llleck better! She’s not that bad.”
“Speak for yourself,” Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. “I’ve seen dinkos that are less self centered.”
“You can’t blame Llleck,” Siri insisted. “If you were brought up like a princess, you’d be a brat, too.”
“If I was brought up like a princess,” Obi-Wan said. “I ask if they’d noticed I what gender I was at birth.”
Two hours later, Obi-Wan stood, with Llleck and her ‘luggage’ in front of a second addition of the Empire World Building.
“You have a, uh, large house Llleck.” Obi-Wan successfully managed not to let his mouth fall open, but only just.
Llleck’s lip drooped and she sniffed. “Don’d wana go home,” she lisped. “Don’d wike it.”
“Don’t you want to see your mommy??” Obi-Wan smiled, all fake cheery.
“No, momo don’d tume, momo never home,” Llleck stuck out her lip and pouted.
“I’m sure your momo is busy,” Obi-Wan felt a little sorry for the brat, rich parents often were pretty busy, and he happened to know that Teesas always left the raising of their children to nannies.
“Come on,” Obi-Wan smiled at her. “You can show me your room.”
He knocked at the door. There was no answer.
An intercom switched on right in his ear, and blared, “Step in, Llleck will allow you to take her luggage to her room.”
The door opened silently, and Obi-Wan was literally pushed in by Llleck.
Obi-Wan looked around, fountains and pillars were the main thing in his line of view, the ceiling was just a blur high up in the air.
But all this was not what captured the attention of the Jedi. It was the peculiar animals that were sitting silently about. Like ornaments at the base of the stairs, and near plants or statues. Like silent guards.
Their fur was white and waved all about, delicately sticking straight up. At the end of each hair, was an iridescent drop that shimmered and waved grandly about. Five, catlike soft paws, a deep green, poked out at the base of the white fluff body. That, added with their huge, luminescent blue eyes, made them irresistibly cute.
“Tummon,” Llleck ran forward, and started up one of the marble, tower like stairways.
Obi-Wan followed more slowly, hampered by the luggage. After five stairways, he stopped, panting for breath. Llleck sat down about a stairways farther up, and waited impatiently for him.
Obi-Wan was about to start trudging again, when he noticed one of the animals sitting right by him. It stared bleakly at him, not making any movement, not even blinking.
“Pupupupu,” cooed Obi-Wan, he reached out, and patted the creature on its fluff head. The creature, without making any sound or even changing expression, bite his hand viciously and returned to its immobile state.
“Ouch!!!!” Obi-Wan yelled, three needle like teeth had sunk into his unsuspecting hand.
Llleck ran down to him, and giggle as he leaped about sucking on his hand. “Stupid,” she said. “You don’d touch da Felth’Fa.”
“Yeah, so I gathered,” Obi-Wan managed when his hand’s pain slide into a dull roar.
“Hurry up,” Llleck said when Obi-Wan finally picked up the luggage. “We gotta go up free more.”
“Three more??” Obi-Wan looked upward, and groaned. “I wonder what Qui-Gon will eat for dinner, I certainly won’t be back in time for it.”
But he followed Llleck, and was there only twenty minutes later.
“This…is…your bedroom??” Obi-Wan looked around the palace in jaw dropping amazement.
“One of um,” Llleck picked up a snarling fluffy black creature, and thrust it into Obi-Wan’s face. “Oo wana pet Nana-Bep??”
Obi-Wan backed away from the creature, which glared at him through red rimmed, purple eyes. “Uh, no. I prefer my hand un-mangled, thanks.”
Llleck sniffed, “Oo gona leave now??”
“Well, yeah, I’ve got to go,” Obi-Wan grinned weakly, hoping there wasn’t going to be another scene.
“O-tay,” Llleck shrugged. “I gona go swimmen.”
“Uh, bye then.” Obi-Wan breathed a sigh of relief, Llleck had turned away and left without even saying goodbye.
He walked by himself down the stair, and stood uncertainly in front of the door. Shouldn’t he find someone and tell them where Llleck was??
“Is anybody nearby??” he finally shouted, feeling like a complete idiot and looking even more like one.
A bald man stuck his head over one of the balconies, “Still here?” he called down, in a well cultured, perfectly horrible voice.
“Llleck is in her room, she’s going to go swimming.”
“I am capable of watching her until her nanny arrives, sir,” the man’s face was not at all friendly. “Thank you.”
“Okay,” Obi-Wan left. He was supposed to pick take the speeder back to the rental place, and Qui-Gon would pick him up there.
He arrived there without mishap, and returned it. Qui-Gon wasn’t there yet, so he sat in the waiting room for nearly an hour, reading Jedi’s Digest.
“Obi-Wan?” Qui-Gon poked his head in the room at last. “Come on.”
When they got into the speeder, Qui-Gon handed Obi-Wan a check. “There’s your well earned money!”
Obi-Wan eagerly opened it, his face fell. “Uh, there’s only fifty dollars in here, that’s not very much for a four day babysitting job…”
“Oh, yeah,” Qui-Gon’s face was red. “I don’t have any cash right now, so they took the money for the TV out of your check, I’ll pay you back some time.”
“Oh,” Obi-Wan sighed. “What are we going to eat for dinner??”
“Well, I don’t need cash for that, so let’s go someplace really nice. How about Mujubee’s.”
“All right!” Obi-Wan felt a slight bit of cheer creep back into his voice.
They arrived at the restaurant, and sat down. “Real food,” Obi-Wan sighed. “I’m in heaven. Steak and a full assortment of vegetables,” he told the waitress. “Can we get dessert??”
“Sure!” Qui-Gon grinned. “Teens.”
The food seemed to take a long, long time coming. Obi-Wan began to fear implosion when the waitress finally appeared. There was a certain amount of dubiousness upon her face.
“Your, uh, steak, sir,” she set the covered plate before him, and removed the lid. Inside was a blackened mass of something frightful.
“Uh…” Obi-Wan was at a loss for words.
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” the waitress was crimson faced. “We have, uh, a new chief….”
Qui-Gon saw Obi-Wan’s disappointed face, and stood up. “May we speak to the chief, that’s pretty bad cooking.”
The waitress swallowed, but nodded. “I, uh, suppose.”
The two Jedi followed her into the kitchen, where two flustered people were frantically attempting to cook.
Obi-Wan’s mouth fell open, “So this was the mission you were late for, eh?”
Siri whirled around, and stared at him, her face resembled a beet from more than just the heat. “We’re trying to catch someone.”
“You’re not going to catch anyone this way,” Obi-Wan grinned. “Just poison him.”
“But Qui-Gon,” Obi-Wan protested. “We could go eat somewhere else!”
“I don’t want to offend Adi,” Qui-Gon’s lips were firmly set to keep from laughing. “We’re eating at home.”
“No oatmeal though, please??” Obi-Wan allowed a teasing tremble to touch his voice.
“Just Fruitlaughs and Unluckycharms.”
Obi-Wan sat in the speeder, silent in his feelings. “I don’t think I’m in heaven anymore,” he grumped at last.
“What kind of attitude is that??” Qui-Gon asked.
“It is the kind you get from completing impossible missions.” Obi-Wan answered.
“In that case, you’ll be interested to know our next mission.”
“Help…” Obi-Wan breathed.
“We’re both going to babysit at the royal house in Falamoona, the parents are going into hiding until the next elections. What do you say to that?” Qui-Gon glanced at his apprentice, amused.
Obi-Wan didn’t answer.