The Art of Obi-Torture

 (And How to Get
it Right!)

Hello, my fellow Star Wars friends, and welcome to "The Art of Obi-Torture (And How to Get
it Right!)". In this edition, you will be shown the basics to getting your Obi-Torture
skills sharpened, enough to make people wince, sniffle, or even bawl like a baby! But this
all depends on how hard you study. So, without furthur ado, here are the lessons!

LESSON #1: The Setup

You want to write a strategic exposition for your story, so you can get right to the good
stuff. Let's say that we're going to make Obi get captured by a villian -- and tortured.
Here are some good and bad examples of how to set up your story:


Bad Setup:

Obi-Wan skipped into the quarters. He was very happy. "Hello, Master! How was your day?"

"Wonderful, Padawan."

"Would you like to go spar?"

"Yes, Padawan, I would," Qui-Gon said.

Obi-Wan smiled at Qui-Gon brightly, looking cute and adorable and cuddly, like he always

Before Qui-Gon could smile at the boy, an evil villian ran into the room, knocking Obi-Wan
over the head with a heavy, blunt object, and dragged him away, cackling evilly and yelling,
"I'm going to torture your apprentice if you don't do whatever I say!"

Qui-Gon was very upset. "Oh no! ..... He's been kidnapped! ........... Oh no!"


Good Setup:

Obi-Wan stomped into his quarters, and threw his books down on the table. "This has been a
horrible day!"

"Calm down, my young Padawan," Qui-Gon said wisely. "Anger will not help you."

Obi-Wan glared at Qui-Gon. "Shut up, Master!"

Qui-Gon stood up and looked furious. "How dare you!"

Obi-Wan stuck his tongue out at Qui-Gon.

Before Qui-Gon could curse at the boy, an evil villian ran into the room, knocking Obi-Wan
over the head with a heavy, blunt object, and dragged him away, cackling evilly and yelling,
"I'm going to torture your apprentice if you don't do whatever I say!"

Qui-Gon was very upset. "Oh no! How could I have said that to him? Now he might die, and my
last words to him will be 'how dare you'!"


See, wasn't the second one so much better? The second one is oozing anger while the first
one is just, like, "um, okay, you're having a good day, so what?" Because no one else wants
to read about anyone else, fictional or not, having a good day, because chances are that
your readers haven't -- and miserable people want to read about other even more miserable
people. Make the fic start badly -- and let it get worse from there onward.

LESSON #2: The Types of Torture

There are many types of torture in the Star Wars universe, but we'll just stick to the two
most popular -- and most effective -- types: mental and physical. These two types of
tortures will be gone over in the next few lessons.

But, you can always create your OWN types of torture! Be creative, my friends! Do not limit
torturing Obi-Wan to only what's available! Create your own! Or mix up all sorts of torture!
Read the following examples.


Bad Type of Torture:

Obi-Wan was being tortured.

//Master!// he called through their training bond.

It hurt a lot.

He passsed out, it hurt so much. Or it might have been the blunt object that the villian
knocked him out with. He couldn't tell because everywhere hurt so much.

//Noooooooooooooo!// Qui-Gon thought, as the bond closed on Obi-Wan's side.


Good Type of Torture:

"Aaaaaaaaaaagh!" Obi-Wan screamed.

"Heh, heh," the villian said, twisting the dagger into Obi-Wan's arm even more. "Die, Jedi,

//Master!// Obi-Wan cried through his training bond, his voice heavy with his agony.

//Obi-Wan!// Qui-Gon thought back to him. He was frantic. //Obi-Wan, are you okay?//

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" Obi-Wan screamed as the dagger broke his bone. //Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! It hurts! It
hurts so much, Master!//

//So you're not okay?// Qui-Gon asked again, his voice sounding disappointed and upset at

"Nyahahahahahaha!" the villian cackled. He knocked Obi-Wan out with a blunt object again,
and for Obi-Wan, all his pain melted into a black oblivion.


Do you all see why the second example is much better than the first? You want to put as many
grusome details as you can, so you can arouse more sympathy from your readers. Because
however much their day sucked, you must make sure that Obi-Wan's day is considerably worse,
because that's what readers who've had really bad days want to read about.

But before the lesson ends, I must tell you the most fundamental thing in the art of
Obi-Torture that you'll ever have to know: BASKING.

You must learn to BASK in Obi-Torture, before you can become a master. FEEL the Obi-Torture,
and LOVE the ONE with the Obi-Torture. You must BASK in the misery, my
friends! BASK!

Till next time: Lesson #3: Mental Torture.

LESSON #3: Mental Torture

Of the two types of torture that I am going to teach you about in this series, is mental
torture. There are many ways to accomplish this sort of torture. Here is a list of possible

~ Qui-Gon himself! Great type of torture, you've got right there.

~ An Evil Villain that's torturing Obi-Wan.

~ Someone out for revenge. Anyone. Doesn't matter who. Pick a random, funky-sounding name.
It'll be sufficient.

~ Poor little Obi-Wan could be torturing himself!

~ Ah, don't forget those spice addictions and random medicines with really bad side-effects
that Obi-Wan may get his hands on! Mess with your mind, drugs do.

~ Maybe someone who finds that Obi-Wan would make a good slave.

Point being; make sure that you have a character that's mean and angry. Qui-Gon can be mean
and angry. I've read many good fan fics that have a mean and angry Qui-Gon, and it usually
tends to be the best type of mental torture of Obi-Wan. A factor called angst plays a major
part of this, a topic which will be discussed in a later lesson.

Good villains play a large part in the role of the torture that will proceed, and this will
also be discussed in further depth in a later lesson. The most important thing, though, is
to give your villains a good and plausible reason to want to torture Obi-Wan. Note, it being
fun to torture Obi-Wan just doesn't cut it. It's been done. Give your villain a vengeful,
intense reason to want to torture Obi-Wan. BASK in it. Here are some examples:


Bad Mental Torture:

Qui-Gon looked at Obi-Wan. "You're stupid."

Obi-Wan burst out crying. "You hate me! Waaaaaah!"

Qui-Gon nodded gruffly. "That's right, I hate you. I hate you a lot. You're no better than

Obi-Wan was crying so hard that his breaths were labored. "Y-You are just a big jerk!"

Qui-Gon nodded again. "That's right, I'm a big jerk that hates you. A really big jerk that
hates you a lot. You're not only no better than Xanatos, you're downright unworthy of being
my apprentice!"

Qui-Gon stomped out of the room, leaving Obi-Wan to contemplate the words passed between


Good Mental Torture:

Qui-Gon looked at Obi-Wan, glaring at his apprentice, trying to decide what to say first.
There were so many things that had gone wrong. "You deliberately made that decision without
consulting me. It may have turned out for the better, but you have no authority over my say.
Never disagree with me again."

Obi-Wan tried to keep a straight face, to reply calmly; but his Jedi training was lost in
the torrent of anger building in him. "You weren't saying anything!"

Qui-Gon nodded gruffly, but his eyes were still as cold as the ice-planet Hoth. "That's
right, but you were to consult with me before saying anything."

Obi-Wan shook his head disbelievingly. "You're being unreasonable!"

Qui-Gon's gaze became impossibly colder. "And you are overstepping your boundaries,

With that, he turned and swept out of the room, leaving Obi-Wan speechless and frustrated,
and with nothing to think of but the cutting remarks exchanged that night.


So, which example do you think is the better one? Of course it's the second, the one titled
"Good Example." Let's look at why: it has a lot more depth to it. It's a lot more believable
(not to mention, in character, which is discussed further in a later lesson) and will give
your readers something more to focus on. People will always want to read about someone else
having a really bad relationship with someone else, so no matter what, you need to make
Obi-Wan's relations with whichever villain you use be very horrible, because that's what
people with bad relationships with others will want to read about, since no matter how bad
they have it, they all know that Obi-Wan's got it worse.

Is everyone practicing their BASKing? I'd hope so! BASKing is one of the most elementary
parts of the art of Obi-Torture, and unless you get it right, Obi-Torture is indeed a very
hard thing to manage! Keep practicing, if you want to become a master of the art (like me).

Till next time: Lesson #4: Physical Torture.

LESSON #4: Physical Torture

Hello all to the next installment of "The Art of Obi-Torture (And How to Get it Right!)"
This lesson will teach you all the basics of physical torture. Anything can be causing this,
really. The cause of a form of mental torture is just as good a way to cause physical
torture. Because, of course, the evil person doing the torture can hurt not only mentally
(by torture) but physically, as well. Here are some examples of physical torture:


Bad Way of Torture:

The evil villain kicked Obi-Wan in the nuts.

"AHHHHHHH!" Obi-Wan yelled in pain, and fell over. He hit his head on the cement as he fell.

The villian took the opening and kicked him in the ribs. He heard ribs crack.

The villian, being evil, of course, used that opportunity to press all his weight upon
Obi-Wan's, by now, broken ribs.

"AHHHHHHH!" Obi-Wan yelled again.

It hurt a lot.


Good Way of Torture:

The evil villain kicked Obi-Wan in the side. Obi-Wan felt a lot of pain from that one kick,
but bit his lip -- his ribs would at least be bruised -- no, Jedi feel no pain... He can't
yell out....

Obi-Wan focused his mind elsewhere as the evil villian continued to beat up on him. It was
hard, though, because of that. For some reason, he couldn't get his mind off the fact that
an evil villian was beating him up.

He closed his eyes as he fell over, hitting the pavement with a hard thump. The evil villian
used this opportunity to keep kicking him, all over, and Obi-Wan was having even more of a
hard time not crying out. It was so painful! Maybe...maybe Qui-Gon could hear him from here?
No, Qui-Gon had been left on the planet they were negotiating on, negotiating on
Alderraan.... The negotiations had to go on -- a whole planets' safety was more important
than one --

Ooof, that hurt...

The pain began to overtake him completely, and he felt almost numb.... Yes, he was passing
out, his thoughts wandering even furthur.... But one last thought was crystalline clear as
he passed out into oblivion (again)....

Why does it always have to be me?


Okay, do we all understand why the good example is the good example? First thing, you don't
really want to go around writing "Obi-Wan got kicked in the nuts" or "Obi-Wan got hit where
the sun don't shine" or something like that because generally no one really wants to know
about Obi-Wan getting kicked in the nuts or anything like that. It's enough that he got
kicked in the ribs, beaten up, etc. It's crude to write such things, even to our precious
Obi, whom we all so love to torture. Getting kicked in the nuts is like...the worst thing
for a guy. We have to sympathize with the weaker gender, you know, when it comes to that.

But anyway, the good example has more of his emotions mixing in. Does Obi-Wan like the
torture? Probably not, so make sure to have a little input on his thoughts as you do it.
Just for the heck of it, because we all know that Obi-Wan doesn't particularly like the
torture, and the more he doesn't like it and the clearer it is, the happier your readers
will be because they've probably had some sort of lousy day and reading about Obi-Wan having
an even worse day is like soup for the soul.

Till next lesson: Devices for Torture.

Well, thanks for sticking with this fic so far. I'll probably have a post next week; I need
to get this fic done because I'm starting another By the way, go read Rebel High, Angel's
Plight, and Catch if you have the time. Angel's Plight is written by Amidala22, my co-writer
for Rebel High, and Catch is my fun NJO fic, based on Anakin Solo. All are being updated
(WOW) and so any feedback is great.

LESSON #5: Devices for Torture

This lesson will introduce you to the wide varieties of torture tools to use in your fan
fics that include Obi-Torture. You see, there are so many things that I'm just going to
focus on the objects that would hurt Obi-Wan the most. Since we've already learned how to
torture Obi-Wan, here I'm going to specify what kinds of things that you can use to torture
him as well. You figure out how.


Bad Tools for Torture (And if You Still Want to Use Them, How to):

~ Feathers. Okay, feathers can be all handy and everything, if you're going to tickle
Obi-Wan to death. That wouldn't make for very good serious torture, and you want your
torture to be good, mind. You want to torture Obi-Wan and make sure that everyone reading
the fic will know: you're tortuing Obi-Wan. Unless you take a handful of feathers and stuff
it down Obi-Wan's throat, you're not exactly going to be doing anything to him that a
five-year-old Force sensitive couldn't manage.

~ Paper. Well, paper is a very versatile tool. It can be used in many ways: to write on, to
read from, etc. But if you're going to use paper as a torture device, you want to use it in
the most painful way as possible: papercuts. Paper always gives papercuts. And papercuts,
though tiny, hurt like hell. Even though, you can't really do anything life-threatening to
him by giving him numerous papercuts, and he probably already gets those while studying in
the Temple anyway -- he is a student, after all.

~ Electricity. Well, of course it hurts. If you give it to Obi-Wan in little bursts, it'll
hurt more. But the reason that this method of torture is put under the unadvised section, is
because it numbs people after a while. I mean, really, Obi-Wan wouldn't be able to feel his
pain after the tenth shock. You have to come up with things a little more creative than just


Good Tools for Torture:

~ Blunt Objects. This is probably one of the best types of tools for torture. You really
have to look at the beauty of it: it gets the job done in a longer time, but it extends the
amount of time that Obi-Wan is in pain, therefore doubly causing pain to Obi-Wan. You can
use blunt objects like spoons to scratch skin off, lamps to knock Obi-Wan unconscious with,
and you can also have your evil villian use a frying pain to beat him around with. It's all
really very flexible.

~ Fire. Ah, yes, fire. Unlike electricity, fire doesn't numb the victim. It causes scars
though, and I'm not really sure how well bacta can heal that, but the villian usually
doesn't care about that kind of thing anyway. It's just a great way to cause pain, since it
really hurts the nerves. Just be careful while using it though, you don't want to actually
fry Obi-Wan to death (unless you do, of course).

~ Sharp Objects. Sharp objects are tools that call for a lot of blood (unless you use a
laser-induced wound, because the heat would cauterize the cut). If you stick to normal
knives and things of the like, you can cause Obi-Wan a lot of pain. Just be careful, it can
get messy, and a lot of times the evil villains might not want to deal with cleaning up. If
your villian wants to stay hidden, this method of torture isn't the right one, because with
Obi-Wan bleeding all around the whole darn place, someone or something would eventually
catch the trail.


So there we have a few devices for torture. Of course, there are tools that don't fall into
any of these categories that you're welcome to use. And this brings us to our second most
fundamental thing in the Art of Obi-Torture: stepping out of the box. After remembering that
no matter what you do in your fic, you must BASK in the Obi-Torture, you must also try to
use your own ideas and come up with your own ways of completely this task of torturing
Obi-Wan. Trust me, stepping out of the box is a very nice way of accomplishing your
Obi-Torture, and if you have trouble writing serious Obi-Torture, then this will be good for

Take me, Tahiri, Master of All That is Obi-Torture for example. I can't write serious
Obi-Torture because I find it all too funny to take seriously, but here I came up with this
guide to the Art of Obi-Torture. I get my Obi-Torture done, but in a different way, you see?
Be creative! People love it when you find new ways to torture Obi-Wan, because the more you
do the better they feel that hey, no matter how bad their day has been, at least they're not
being tortured like Obi is!

Next time: The Evil Villain.

Gee, this was a morbid lesson... I'm not a violent person though, everyone, I just find this
all...amusing. I normally wouldn't, but the fact that we're talking about Obi here changes
that.... But don't worry, I have lessons on things like the aftermath, mush, and all that
other junk. The violent parts are nearly over And I got the next post up in a week, like I
said! Yay.... I've learned timliness... at least for this fic....

stay tuned for more ..... :-) {mad4dos}